Houston, Here I Am (For Now)

Baby I'm Back

2006-09-05T15:37:00.000-05:00

I've purchased a new computer chair, working on my final semester of graduate school, and am soooooo excited about the Season 4 Premier of Nip/Tuck tonight. My love for the highly superficial show is shared by my best bud, The Dirty Hooker. Her real name is Stephanie, but I rarely call her that. Anyway, she should be calling me any minute now to let me know what the scoop is for this evening. We will have drinks, drool over Christian (the dirty doctor), and imagine for an hour or so that this is all real.

In A Family Way

2005-06-22T07:53:00.000-05:00

So, I went to visit my cousin in Austin a couple of weeks ago. My other cousin from Wisconsin drove down for a visit as well. It's weird when you don't see someone you're related to for awhile. You know they are your family, but at the same time, they're so distant (in age, location, and personalities) it's hard to believe that you're related at all.

So, I haven't seen my cousin from Wisconsin for over 15 years. You expect to see a dramatic change in that amount of time. She looked older, but still the same. She also had a five year old son. I'm not used to spending time with kids, so this was an experience for me. Did you know that kids don't pick up after themselves?? They also pick a movie to watch and then don't pay attention to it. Then they have to follow you around so that you'll play with them, but the that's the thing you want to do least.

The kid was cute though. He didn't cry or have snot bubbles, which is how I imagined 5 year old kids to be. So I learned a little something. I'm sure the huge hangover I had Monday morning was fun for him. I wonder if he thought that's how most 31 year olds should be??

Anyway, here's to family. Pick up the phone and call someone in your family you haven't spoken to in awhile.

DO NOT USE 713TICKETS OR I WILL HATE YOU FOREVER

2005-06-10T10:14:00.000-05:00

I got this from a friend today. Please read. Sorry to be so serious, but this shit really makes me pissed off.

From Scott--

Hi everyone,
Sorry to get you all in such a huge forward, but this needs to come to light. I was contacted by a couple friends who forwarded this email and called me to let me know about 713-TICKETS and their unapologetic verbal gay-bashing. Please send this out to anyone you know (especially the press for you out-of-towners). Thanks for your help in holding the bigots accountable to their mouths.

From Hillary--

Please read the horrible story below and feel free to respond to the men/business owners who felt the need to mistreat members of the GLBT community AND community-at-large via their e-mail address: frtc@713-Tickets.com or by phone: 713-TICKETS.
"In each of us lies an advocate, an agent for tolerance, a voice that screams out for change...with small steps, come great rewards!"

The Story--

Please read below what happened to Vernon & I on Saturday evening...
Adam

On Saturday evening my boyfriend and I were driving on Kirby. While stopped at the traffic light on Westheimer, we kissed, only to be interrupted by someone honking their horn at us from behind. When we turned around, we saw a guy and his friend yelling at us. They yelled that we were FAGS and that we should die and go to hell. They followed us down the road yelling and harrassing us. They made a right on Shepperd but not before letting us further know their views on homosexuality! Unfortunately, this kind of thing happens quite often without us being able to do anything about it. These idiots didn't realize, however, that they were in a bright yellow hummer that had their company phone number,
713 TICKETS, in big font. The first thing we did was call the number to find out who was driving the car. It turns out the owner and one of his assistants were the people shouting at us. The receptionist apologized for his boss' behavior and gave us the boss' name, Kent Maree. His assistant, who was also shouting obscenties at us, is Max Velazquez. A friend of mine, who is black, called Kent this monring to ask if this is the way he treats all minorities. Kent responded by saying that it is
a free country and he can express his views as he wishes. He also let my friend know that Fags choose to be fags and they should burn in hell. Since this is a free country, I urge you all to please give Kent a call and let him know your opinion on the way he expresses his views and his business practices. Pass this on to as many people as you know so that they too can give Kent and Max a piece of their mind. Their number is 713TICKETS.

Visiting the Doctor

2005-06-09T10:09:00.000-05:00

There are a few things about going to the doctor that disturb me on many different levels. The first is the appointment time. Remember the WHEN that meant that a doctor appointment for 10:30 meant that you were in the room (naked or dressed) and so was the doctor. Or was it only like that in small town Wisconsin where I grew up????

Anyway, I went to the doctor yesterday and didn't see the actual doctor until 11:30, an hour after my scheduled appointment time. First we had to make sure the insurance was clear. Then I had to do my co-pay. Next was the obligatory wait (minimum of 15 minutes). Then, you get called back to be weighed (always a horrible experience) and have your blood pressure taken. Finally, the nurse says, "The doctor will be in momentarily." You get anxious, happy to finally be in the sanctity of the sterilized room. You wait a few minutes, sure that Dr. He or She will be in the minute you get up to read the magazine sitting near your discarded clothes. It's hot and the paper feels funny on your butt. You start to sweat, not sure if the doctor really will be in momentarily. You pick up the only non-parenting magazine in the cold, unfriendly room. As you flip through the pages of the 4 month old magazine you notice nipples in every advertisement. What's up with that?? You just recently bought padded bras that ensured the cold weather would not be revealed by the twins. You page through the entire Elle magazine and 25 minutes has passed. You start to question if this is actually an episode of the Twilight Zone. Where the hell is that doctor??? You open up drawers and cabinets hoping to find something that you can fit in your purse to make the visit worthwhile--or maybe not. You go back and sit on the crinkly paper. Finally, Dr. He or She knocks and asks if your ready. HELL YES I'M READY, I'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR 30 DAMN MINUTES. Has anyone ever taken 30 minutes to get ready for the doctor to come in?? And do they know how uncomfortable it is to sit on paper with your naked butt??

I miss the old days of going to the doctor and seeing Dr. He or She right away. If I ever found a clinic like that I would be a patient for life.

New Blog

2005-06-06T11:14:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure if I should continue on this old worn out blog or create a new fresher blog. I've been in quiet a slump lately. I think much of it is due to all this free time I seem to have on my hands now that the semester is over. But, I also think I miss home so much I can't seem to stop thinking about it. I look at the weather online everyday, wishing I could be in the wonderful upper mid-west climate. Instead I'm stuck in a virtual hell with heat and humidity that prevents outdoor activities until after dark.

I spoke to my friend Eddie this last weekend and he seems to think that journaling will help me out of the funk. I tend to agree, I always feel better after writing it all down. Sometimes though I feel the need to sensor myself since I know so many people personally who read this. I can't have all my skeletons jumping out of the closet at once, otherwise there really will be trouble.

Anyway, let me know what helps you out of the blues.

Groping???

2005-05-31T15:10:00.000-05:00

I didn't realize that groping was a third degree felony. How does one ask Christian Slater to wait around whilst one contacts the police?? Excuse me, but could you please wait so I can have you arrested and make a name for myself??

Mormon Movies

2005-05-23T12:59:00.000-05:00

One night last week I went out to rent a movie due to the limit of my Netflix (which I just increased to six at a time BTW). There wasn't much at the Hollywood Video I hadn't seen. I wandered through the titles aimlessly, searching for the perfect flick. From the corner of my eye I saw a movie that had won three awards for BEST PICTURE at unheard of film festivals.

I noticed the somewhat hot guy on the cover as I reached for the case. I turned the movie over to read the back; It sounded pretty amusing to me. The battle between small town Mormons and small town Baptists--what could be better than that???

When I got home I watched the previews and was surprised to a HUGE number of Mormon-y type movies. Now, I'm not a Mormon hater, and I don't know much about the religion, but it seemed like Mormon overload. Wasn't the fact that they had the hotel room market cornered enough??? Now they were invading my private home with their religious zeal.

Needless to say, I did watch the entire movie, but was surprised that the kissing that did occur in the movie, did not happen until after the engagement. THEY WERE ENGAGED BEFORE THEIR FIRST KISS!!!! So not only do I now know that I really don't want to be a Mormon, I also won't be renting films that win unheard of film festivals.

If there are any Mormons reading, I apologize for my rudeness, you know how us Catholics are!

FIRE!!!!!

2005-05-20T08:20:00.000-05:00

I had an "incident" the other morning. It was Sunday morning, I was watching a $1 movie from the grocery store because I had already sent back my Netflix. I thought hashbrowns sounded good for breakfast. I put some oil in a pan and went back to watching my movie. I became so engrossed in the movie until my smoke detector started beeping.

I quickly ran into the kitchen and pulled the pan off the stove. As I was holding it, the oil in the pan burst into flames. I blew on the flames (a big no no BTW). The flames got bigger and bigger. I ran outside and threw the pan on the cement. I ran inside, grabbed the fire extinguisher, pulled the pin, ran back to the pan, and pulled the trigger.

I think it's important to inform everyone that during moments of extreme stress, it's important to maintain composure. Anyway, after I pulled the trigger, I was treated to a burst of fire extinguisher shit in my face. It went up my nose, in my mouth, and in my hair. Thank goodness I wear glass, otherwise it would have been in my eyes. I twisted the extinguisher in the right direction, push the button again, and was treated to a scorched pan sans flames.

I freaked out about the shit I sprayed in my face. I called my mom, who told me to call 911. I called 911 and they said they would send someone over. I started to freak out. I thought the shit was toxic and it would be my last day. I would never see my Netflix movies lined up in my queue.

I started to cry, not only for my Netflix, but also my parents, the Toblerone in my fridge, my friends, and my future husband (who will never have any idea what he is missing out on). By the time the paramedics showed up, I had spit up a great deal of the shit in my mouth. There was tons of it coming out my nose. The crying had stimulated the gland that helps the formation of snot bubbles. The HOT (and I do mean HOT) paramedics were more amused by my situation then concerned. I'm sure they really appreciated the snot bubbles. They assured me that as long as none of the shit had gotten in my eyes, I would be fine.

I was embarrassed and upset. Why did the paramedics have to be HOT. I volunteer in the ER of one of the hospitals and the EMT's are never that hot. Anyway, I threw the pan out. I went shopping and got a larger, better fry pan.

I also vow to find a situation where the hottie paramedics will see me all pretty one day. It will happen, this I swear.

Technology is Amazing

2005-05-11T11:55:00.000-05:00

Scientists were able to recreate facial constructions of King Tut. Many questions pop into my mind about this amazing discovery. The most puzzling is did King Tut really have those pouty lips and well manicure eyebrows?

In My Absence

2005-04-26T08:13:00.000-05:00

Sorry for not sharing the last week of my life with everyone. Things have been a bit crazy around here. The end of the semester is quickly approaching and I have papers galore due. Here's a recap of the past week and a half's events.

Tax Day--I forgot to send in my taxes. I thought somewhere I remember my dad saying if you were getting a refund then there was no need to have the forms postmarked April 15. As I crawled into bed (at 11:30) I turned on the radio. The people on the radio began talking about how there was heavy traffic at both the airport and downtown Post Offices. Everything my dad ever said exited my mind as I quickly rushed to grab my car keys and tax forms. Yeah, my taxes had been done for weeks, but because I procrastinate about everything (including a federal refund) I had to rush to the post office. There was a lot of traffic. There was some running involved to get to the PO from my car. I did get my envelope stamped on the 15th. I decided to take up exercising.

Papers Due--I hate my visual design class this semester. The teacher wears smocks and lacks social skills. She is also self-taught in the area of visual design. I don't understand what her qualifications are to teach a graduate level visual design class. I had a paper due for her Wednesday night, it was 18 pages. Our final class is this week, she plans on teaching us how to do sentence diagramming. What does that have to do with visual design?

Boys in Bars--I went to some bar called JAX on Friday night. I met some people from work up there. I met a boy. He was vulgar. He said things that made me blush and I happen to be somewhat of a pervert. I don't think bars are the best places to meet boys, unless you want someone to lick your %$##& and diddle your *&^#%$. Boys will never learn. I told him he wasn't tall enough to ride this ride; then I walked away. I'm sure he thinks that I'm kicking my ass for not taking him up on his kind offer. FYI, I'm not.

Speaking of Boys in Bars--I once had a guy tell me that he found that he was attracted to me. It was as if he was amazed that he could be ATTRACTED to ME. I'm sure if I did a few shots of Petrone I would have found him attractive as well. I stuck to beer and went home early. It was a good night.

That's all for now, I better get back to work.

You've got the look

2005-04-14T09:49:00.000-05:00

I'm thinking of changing my look for the summer. I'm not sure what to do. I'm already working on being more girlie, but beyond that I'm not sure. Here is a recent photo. Take a look and give me some ideas.

Oh, and if you don't know what I look like, guess which one I am?

Gay Marriage

2005-04-12T18:27:00.000-05:00

Do you support gay marriage? Please click here to let someone know.

If you click and support I want to thank you. If you don't, then burn in hell. Have a nice day.

Newsworthy?

2005-04-12T09:44:00.000-05:00

I'm sorry but is this really newsworthy?

It must be a slow day of avoiding real news, like what DeLay is doing to fix his reputation. How many people do you think he'll have to buy off in order to stay in his current position?

What about this psycho? What kind of mother is she? I used to think my mom was bad, but she never did anything immoral!

What's news with you?

Cell Phones Suck...

2005-04-11T17:28:00.000-05:00

especially when your bill is huge. So, if you have my number and don't have Verizon don't call me during peak hours, EVER! Only call me nights after 9 pm and on the weekend.

Also if you happen to have some spare change lying around please pass it my way so I can pay this damn bill.

Stephen King is going to be where?

2005-04-11T08:31:00.000-05:00

I am a huge King fan. I've read everything he has written up to the last couple of gunslinger novels. I only wait to read those because of school. This summer I have a feeling that King and I will be spending lots of time together.

This morning as I was listening to my favorite AM talk radio show I heard the words Stephen King and book signing at Murder by the book in the same breath. I almost started freaking out right then and there. I wasn't quite sure if I heard it right. My heart was racing and the endorphines started pumping through my veins.

I logged on to my computer this morning hoping that it was true. Wrong! It is Ridley Pearson who will be signing tonight. I might have to change stations for my morning listening. Damn liars!

No one good ever signs books in Houston.

Double Feature

2005-04-09T21:08:00.000-05:00

I went to see Sin City today. Clive Owen is in it. He's hot and stuff. He did not get enough screen time. I wasn't overly impressed with the whole movie.

I also saw Sahara. It was very edge of your seat exciting. I highly recommend it.

Single?

2005-04-09T09:01:00.000-05:00

There are many good things about being single. You can do what you want, when you want. You don't have to call home to report to someone if you decide to go out with some friends at the spur of the moment. You are not responsible for anyone else. You don't have to worry about someone using the last of the toilet paper/shampoo/milk/toothpaste and not getting more. When you put something down, it will be in the same place when you pick it up. You can get up in the middle of the night and watch TV as loud as you want. You don't have to argue about what station/kind of music you'll be listening to in the car. No one keeps you up when you want to sleep.

There is a flip side to that coin. Days like today. I have some free time. I want to go out to eat and to a movie. I want to feel wanted. I want someone to say, "You look cute today. What are you doing different?" I want to laugh in public and not look crazy, because there is someone laughing right next to me. I want someone to pay half the rent. I want someone to buy me dinner. I want someone to hold my hand. I want someone to call me to say they'll be home soon. I want someone to spoon me when I'm upset and reassure me. I want someone who wants to be with me. I want someone who thinks that I'm better to be with than anyone else.

Am I asking for too much?

Beer

2005-04-07T21:08:00.000-05:00

I grew up (for the most part) in Wisconsin. My dad was in the Army for 20 years so we moved quite a bit, but for 6 plus years I lived in a sleepy little mid-west town. During my high school years we would party. Usually that involved drinking. OK, I lied, it always involved drinking.

I started out drinking wine coolers. They were all the rage in the late 80's. But, after the last Bartels & James was gone I had to resort to Old Style. Over the years my taste in beer has developed. Old Style, although cheap, no longer does it for me.

In college I went through another phase of fancy cocktails, but when the end of the month came we always drank Leinenkugels. It was $10 a case, plus deposit. The brewery was only 20 miles away. To this day I think it's the best beer I've ever had. They make all sorts of wonderful flavors, my favorite being the Honey Weiss. Throw a lemon in that and I'm in heaven.

I said all that to say this. Everyone has a favorite beer. After a bad day even an Old Milwaukee tastes good to me--as long as it's cold. The best beer of all though is a free beer. Followed by a beer in a frosty cold mug with little ice chips floating on the top.

That's what I'm drinking right now. Aren't you jealous?

I'm sorry, what was that?

2005-04-06T16:34:00.000-05:00

As I sit here, having just taken a nice long drink of the Diet Coke currently sitting to my left, I look at a sign at the top of my monitor that clearly states NO FOOD, DRINKS OR CELL PHONES. Now, as an English major I find this sign to be a little bit vague. Am I not to give these things to my computer? Is my computer caged like an animal at the zoo? Does it have a strict diet of floppy disks and CD's?

As I ponder these questions I take another drink only to hear a booming voice clearly state, "There are no drinks or food permitted in the computer lab. If you have to eat or take a drink you need to go outside."

I know this person (I use that term because I was unable to determine gender by voice or direct visual) was talking to me. But, I could care less because there are 10 cell phone that will ring in the next 30 minutes--one of which may be mine. I will answer the call, enjoy my conversation like the girl next to me is on her cell phone this very minute.

Is this what I get for my tuition? Computer "monitors" and grade school rules? Should I raise my hand when I have to get up to go pee? Is someone going to check my hall pass?

I'm in graduate school for crying out loud. I am too old to up up with this shit!

My Karma Must be Good Today

2005-04-05T12:28:00.000-05:00

My moon must be in the right position or some crazy shit because it's a good day today. My Netflix is shipping Elektra, Ray and Sideways, my homework for class tonight and tomorrow night is done. My hair looks good. I haven't been super hungry all day and I actually chose the grilled chicken over the breaded for lunch today.

Something bad is about to go down! Don't get too close, who knows when the good day will end.

A Miracle

2005-04-04T20:40:00.000-05:00

I went to visit my friend Stephanie tonight. She had her baby on Sunday. All 5 lbs. 8 oz. of her. She is the most beautiful baby I've ever seen, and so tiny. I could have held her all night. Baby made some of the cutest faces while in my arms. I can see why people want to have these little tiny humans.

Stephanie assured me that the epidermal was the way to go. I'm going to take her word for it. I don't think I want to do anything that requires me to wear an ice pack in my panties.

Once the new daddy emails the pictures of me hold the wee one I will post for all to see. Thank goodness I was having a good hair day today.

It's all the same to me

2005-04-04T16:28:00.000-05:00

I don't know if anyone else feels this way, but yogurt tastes pretty much the same to me no matter what the flavor. The only real difference is if there are other things in the yogurt. Sometimes I'll add Grape Nuts or there are berrys with seeds. Like right now, I'm eating blackberry pie yogurt. But, the only difference from the strawberry yogurt I had yesterday is that this one has annoying little seeds that give me a mini-migrane when I try to bite them.

That raises another question: Should yogurt be chewed or do you just swallow it?

Texas Hold 'Em

2005-04-03T15:29:00.000-05:00

I've been dabbling in poker. I'm not much of a poker player since my face always reveals what is in my hand. Well, Friday night I went over to my friend Peter's house. He was hosting poker night. I didn't buy in right away. I drank a little to relax, bought $20 in chips and sat down--drink in hand. For some reason everything is more fun with alcohol, except losing money. We made it around the table of 8 once before I lost it all. So I figured drinking is more fun after you lose. I had a great time, but I think I shocked some people since my vocabulary consists mostly of 4-letter words after I've had a few too many. I ended up crashing there for the night.

Note to self: Always bring a designated driver.

Unexpected and Unwanted Surprises

2005-04-01T08:35:00.000-06:00

Ohhh, I googled the title of this post, click on the link to see what I found. EWWWW!

One of the things I hate about living in the big city is the unexpected traffic jam. I know I can expect one during rush hour (or hours) and sometimes at lunch. Last night, at 10 pm, as I drove home on 59 South, there was a back-up due to the 610 exit being closed. I blame it on the people who have to speed up and merge, but I also blame it on those idiots that drive 40 when the speed limit posted is clearly 65. I HATE those people, they can kiss my ass. I think I told most of them too, but my window may have been up--and it was dark.

Guest Blog By PPP

2005-03-29T21:26:00.000-06:00

(queue dramatic movie music—think Star Wars…or Jaws)
IT IS ME. THE MAN WITH THE PANTS. THE PANTS MADE OF PUMPKIN!!
Ok, I’m done shouting. So yes, I was able to convince Kat to let me make a guest blog on her website. How cool is that. Of course, I had to give up some editing rights. So, I really can’t be held responsible for anything that I write here. You will need to contact my editor.
So first, let’s discuss the name. I really have NO idea where she came up with the whole pumpkin pants thing. Honestly, I have never worn pants made of pumpkin. Or pants with pumpkins on them (although, I do have some Halloween boxers with ghosts and bats on them—they glow in the dark too). I don’t even have any orange pants. I’m so confused. I think it was just Kat’s way of being funny or cute or something. Well, somehow it worked and it stuck. Although, I will say that I think Kat is the only one that calls me that. Maybe Disco Mike, whom you met recently, will also call me that, but not very often.
Second, Kat is crazy. But that is why we love her. Honestly, my life would be so dull and boring without her. Of course, I would probably do a pretty good job of making my own drama, but that is not why I am here. That is for my shrink to figure out.
For instance, those of you that know Kit Kat, know that she is—what’s the word?--VOCAL when she’s driving. She sometimes has a bit of the rage. So, we are driving home one day, (we didn’t live IN the hood-but you kind of had to travel through part of the hood to get to our house) and Kat is yelling out the window at some people that pissed her off. Well, it’s all fun and games until they start following you!! I was waiting for the gunshots, but thankfully, they never came.
Something else you may not know about Kat. You are in for a fun, exciting, weird, dramatic, frustrating, annoying evening when Kat dips into the Gin. I can only imagine what it was like over Easter.
Well, I think I am done trashing Kat now. I mean, talking about Kat. (Damn that filter!)
Maybe I should talk about me a little. Let’s see, my job sucks, my love life is worse (boys are dumb) and I have no money. As Kat would say…”you’re a mess.”

Um, I’m being paged…I have to go.
PP Pants
Wait—I don’t really like the sound of that.
The pumpkin pants is out…